And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
