i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
