Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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