My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
