I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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