Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Life is so much better after having sex.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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