He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
