the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
