those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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