k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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