So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
