i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
