Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just blew my weed a kiss
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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