Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We got so high we made milksteak
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
