wanna go halves on a baby?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
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