I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
