Apparently you make a good broom.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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