there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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