so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
