OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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