Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
