bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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