meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Hippo gnu deer
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize