There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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