do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
