her facebook's as public as her vagina
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
