some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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