Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
