Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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