I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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