i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
foreskin is a definite game changer
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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