i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
