what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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