If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
