Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
