Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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