okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
