she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Randomize
