There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
