I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
