I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
