Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize