They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
