Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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