i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
