im drinking this country out of the recession.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
