I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
