Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
