Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
