I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
