Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
