tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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