you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
