Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I need to calm my uterus...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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