508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
