Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
