Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
