pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize