I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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