Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Randomize
