you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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