did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
