i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
