i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
