i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize