YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
