I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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