I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
