The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Alive.
So much puke
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
