i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
