We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
