Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
