paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
