What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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