i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
