So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
