THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
