the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
its not stalking. its research.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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