He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize