We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
