so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
