I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
OPIZZABONMYDICK
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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