my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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