Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize