I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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