You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
