Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
