CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
