hotel room ftw
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
