a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
