I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize