Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
