genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
