I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize