Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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