I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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