It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize