if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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