Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
