You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
