its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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