Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
