i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
