I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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