Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
