dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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