I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
