I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
