got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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