I cannot find my penis.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
