mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
