the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
