sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
