So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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