I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Pants are for mortals
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
