At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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