i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
