4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
